Lost

I lost myself trying to become
everything you wanted me to be
Now you are gone
And I am finally free.

But who am I?
I don’t know
I’ve lost your directions
Unsure of where to go…

The future is uncertian
I fear the unknown.
How will i fare
in the world all alone?

I will slowly transform
Become the real me
The one that I
was always meant to be.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

The poem above written by a dear friend of mine is a reminder of the process in recovering from psychosis. A common trait of psychosis is the forgetting of your own identity; it is entirely tormenting.

Writing poetry is a therapeutic technique by which we can express our inner turmoils and in some way get to the crux of what may have triggered a breakdown.

I can empathise with this poem because my own detriment was catalysed in part by being ‘abandoned’ by someone I thought I loved. This is not to say this was the main cause of my diagnosis, I had many other stresses in my life which hit me all at once; however the bitter-sweet romanticism of  love is what really cut into my heart.

Love comes in many forms; BUT the romantic, sacrificial love leaves us entirely vulnerable. It is difficult to fill the void in your heart once someone for a period of time has occupied that space. You have to learn to let go and move on; something undeniably challenging.

Fortunately however, because love is found in other forms it is vital to feel support through family and friends. I only can imagine how much my parents love me; visiting me every day for up to 4 hours at a time when I was at my worst. [Unrecognisable, mumbling, shy]

Equally my adoring friends, new and old, who stood by me the entire way through.If it weren’t for their love I would not be where I am today. Through letters, gifts, visits and phone-calls they lifted me up and made me realise my worth. And it is so important to not forget your worth because that is what provides us with an inner confidence to deal with life when those who we love cast us aside.

 

 

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